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Dear Vamp…

17 September 2010By Vamp 3,144 views 2 Comments

Seeking advice? Have a question? Thick-skinned enough? Write in to Dear Vamp! You may not get the answer you want, but you’ll certainly get the answer you need…

Dear Vamp,

I just got fired for being insubordinate. I am so depressed that I have no motivation to do anything but read the Twilight series. How do I channel my feelings into my music? 

– Hopeless 30-something guitar girl

Dear Hopeless blah blah blah,

Are you kiddin’ me?   You claim to be a “guitar girl” who just got fired for being insubordinate and you’re DEPRESSED?  Are you a rocker or a fragile little flower?  Are you a predator or the prey?  Are you woman or womouse?  For frick’s sake REJOICE, Ms. Fangbanger, you just earned some street cred for the rebel you’re now suffocating with your pity party for one.  Embrace the same attitude that got you kicked to the curb and write a slew of nasty, dirty, VAMP-lovin’ (Ahem!) ditties giving the finger to those who made you feel less than you KNOW you are!  Now, get off your ass, stop reading about VAMPs (ahem again!) and start living the dream before I find you and REALLY teach you a blood-sucking lesson!

With sanguine smooches,
Vamp 

Dear Vamp,

Been singing and performing my whole life with music and a message I am passionate about.  For the first time in my life, it seems like the venues are ignoring the professional messages I leave on their machines (or emails) about wanting to come and share a performance.  I could swear all my lingo is appropriate but no return calls and no response. 

What to do?  Part of me wants to take it as a “sign” that I am to temporarily take a time out.  Part of me wants to pound on the doors even harder.  For now, I have picked up a book on sales and marketing to kick myself in the butt and see if I can’t pick up any new tips.  I am also per-suing a professional booking agent. 

Meanwhile, what’s your advice here?  Or- what has your experience taught you that you can pass on to me? 

Sincerely,
Banging my head… against the doors

Dear Headbanger, 

SERIOUSLY???!!!   You’re going to let some bored venue bookers who probably can’t answer the phone because they have their fingers stuck to the inside of their noses (or elsewhere mightily less pleasant) become a universal sign for you to stop performing?  Are you frickin’ INSANE?  Oh wait, you’re an artist… you probably ARE insane… 

Well, ya crazy headbanger… you said it yourself, POUND ON THOSE DOORS!!  Have you gone to those venues?  Be brave, be bold, be creative – go and talk to the people who work there.  Ya never know – the bartender, or sound person, or door person, or manager, or the mascot monkey hanging from the light fixture might actually accept your CD bribe and pass it to the booker.  Hell, one of them might even BE the booker! 

Or if you have some weird version of selective agoraphobia, get off your ass and… no, wait.. SIT on your ass in front of the computer, figure out how to get in touch with local artists who have already played there and ask them how THEY got in.  Come on HB, USE the head you’re banging! 

Is “per-suing” a combination of perusing and pursuing?  If you can get a booking agent to take a chunk out of your cashola, then great!  But in the meantime, just simplify and have someone else call and pretend to be one. 

You’ve gotta paint your own picture, sing your own song, pick your own nose.  It’s all in your hands… literally!

With sanguine smooches,
Vamp

Write your questions to dearvamp@girlsrockgirlsrule.com

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2 Comments »

  • Nawing at my brain said:

    Dear Vamp,

    Ooo..dear vamp where to start? I’m nawing at my brain for several reasons and I need your advice.

    A) I live in a hick town (to me it is) where there are hardly any music venues to perform at, and I’ve been there, done that with the slim choices there are and have made a name for myself, but at the moment I am not able to perform there

    ) Since I am not performing as much as I used to, due to sucky location. Should I just perform wherever I can, nursing homes, etc or is this a waste of time?

    I have chosen to go back to school in the meantime and take some voice lessons to freshen up and exercise, go on auditions I find out about, write songs, and learn guitar..any other suggestions while I wait for my big break?

    ) I have been sending packets out to agents for some time now, and still haven’t been able to get one…so I am frustrated with that. I know I should keep on sending…..but maybe there is something I need to change in the packet..I add my photo, resume, a cover letter, and 3 song demo-1 with a disney tune and 2 originals..any suggestions?

    ) I had a potential person who promised to put a band together for me, but everytime I email him or send him a song list, etc…I do not hear back from him

    HELP HELP HELP What can I do in the mean time? Should I keep bugging the guy or leave it alone? I feel I have persisted enough with him and if he isn’t interested, than O well, I will find my own way.

  • Vamp (author) said:

    Stay tuned, NamB…