I just got fired for being insubordinate. I am so depressed that I have no motivation to do anything but read the Twilight series. How do I channel my feelings into my music?
– Hopeless 30-something guitar girl
Dear Hopeless blah blah blah,
Are you kiddin’ me? You claim to be a “guitar girl” who just got fired for being insubordinate and you’re DEPRESSED? Are you a rocker or a fragile little flower? Are you a predator or the prey? Are you woman or womouse? For frick’s sake REJOICE, Ms. Fangbanger, you just earned some street cred for the rebel you’re now suffocating with your pity party for one. Embrace the same attitude that got you kicked to the curb and write a slew of nasty, dirty, VAMP-lovin’ (Ahem!) ditties giving the finger to those who made you feel less than you KNOW you are! Now, get off your ass, stop reading about VAMPs (ahem again!) and start living the dream before I find you and REALLY teach you a blood-sucking lesson!
With sanguine smooches,
Been singing and performing my whole life with music and a message I am passionate about. For the first time in my life, it seems like the venues are ignoring the professional messages I leave on their machines (or emails) about wanting to come and share a performance. I could swear all my lingo is appropriate but no return calls and no response.
What to do? Part of me wants to take it as a “sign” that I am to temporarily take a time out. Part of me wants to pound on the doors even harder. For now, I have picked up a book on sales and marketing to kick myself in the butt and see if I can’t pick up any new tips. I am also per-suing a professional booking agent.
Meanwhile, what’s your advice here? Or- what has your experience taught you that you can pass on to me?
Banging my head… against the doors
SERIOUSLY???!!! You’re going to let some bored venue bookers who probably can’t answer the phone because they have their fingers stuck to the inside of their noses (or elsewhere mightily less pleasant) become a universal sign for you to stop performing? Are you frickin’ INSANE? Oh wait, you’re an artist… you probably ARE insane…
Well, ya crazy headbanger… you said it yourself, POUND ON THOSE DOORS!! Have you gone to those venues? Be brave, be bold, be creative – go and talk to the people who work there. Ya never know – the bartender, or sound person, or door person, or manager, or the mascot monkey hanging from the light fixture might actually accept your CD bribe and pass it to the booker. Hell, one of them might even BE the booker!
Or if you have some weird version of selective agoraphobia, get off your ass and… no, wait.. SIT on your ass in front of the computer, figure out how to get in touch with local artists who have already played there and ask them how THEY got in. Come on HB, USE the head you’re banging!
Is “per-suing” a combination of perusing and pursuing? If you can get a booking agent to take a chunk out of your cashola, then great! But in the meantime, just simplify and have someone else call and pretend to be one.
You’ve gotta paint your own picture, sing your own song, pick your own nose. It’s all in your hands… literally!
With sanguine smooches,
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